SEVEN THINGS YOU DON’T WANT IN YOUR STOCKING

santas-narnia

I’ve come at last. She has kept me out for a long time, but I have got in at last. Aslan is on the move. The Witch’s magic is weakening.―Father Christmas

Father Christmas was the gift-bearing figure, known on both Earth and in the World of Narnia, who came to all the good creatures in Narnia the night before Christmas. However, here are seven items that nobody (not even the Grinch) wants to find in his or her stocking on Christmas morning!


 

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Armor of Arrow Attraction

Magical analysis indicates that this armor is a normal suit of +3 full plate. However, the armor is cursed. It works normally with regard to melee attacks but actually serves to attract ranged weapons. The wearer takes a –15 penalty to AC against any attack by a ranged weapon. The true nature of the armor does not reveal itself until the character is fired upon in earnest.

Bag of Devouring

This bag appears to be an ordinary sack. Detection for magical properties makes it seem as if it were a Bag of Holding. The sack is, however, a lure used by an extradimensional creature—in fact, one of its feeding orifices. Any substance of animal or vegetable nature is subject to “swallowing’’ if thrust within the bag. The bag of devouring is 90% likely to ignore any initial intrusion, but any time thereafter that it senses living flesh within (such as if someone reaches into the bag to pull something out), it is 60% likely to close around the offending member and attempt to draw the whole victim in. The bag has a +8 bonus on grapple checks made to pull someone in. The bag can hold up to 30 cubic feet of matter. It acts as a bag of holding type I, but each hour it has a 5% cumulative chance of swallowing the contents and then spitting the stuff out in some nonspace or on some other plane. Creatures drawn within are consumed in 1 round. The bag destroys the victim’s body and prevents any form of raising or resurrection that requires part of the corpse. There is a 50% chance that a wish, miracle, or true resurrection spell can restore a devoured victim to life. Check once for each destroyed creature. If the check fails, the creature cannot be brought back to life by mortal magic.

Bracers of Defenselessness

These appear to be bracers of armor +5 and actually serve as such until the wearer is attacked by an enemy. At that moment and thereafter, the bracers cause a – 5 penalty to AC. Once their curse is activated, bracers of defenselessness can be removed only by means of a remove curse spell.

Harry’s Horrible Broom

This item is indistinguishable in appearance from a normal broom. It is identical to a broom of flying by all tests short of attempted use. If a command is spoken, the broom does a loop-the-loop with its hopeful rider, dumping him/her on his head from 6d6 feet off the ground. The broom then attacks the victim, beating him/her about the face and head doing 2d6+5 with each strike. Once the victim is reduced to Zero Hit Points, then the broom falls “lifeless” to the ground until someone else tries to ride it.

Cloak of Poisonousness

This cloak is usually made of a woolen material, although it can be made of leather. A detect poison spell can reveal the presence of poison impregnated in the cloak’s fabric. The garment can be handled without harm, but as soon as it is actually donned the wearer is killed instantly unless she succeeds on a DC 28 Constitution saing throw. Once donned, a cloak of poisonousness can be removed only with a remove curse spell; doing this destroys the magical property of the cloak. If a neutralize poison spell is then used, it is possible to revive the victim with a raise dead or resurrection spell, but not before.

Gauntlets of Fumbling

These gauntlets may be of supple leather or heavy protective material suitable for use with armor. In the former instance, they appear to be Gloves of Dexterity. In the latter case, they appear to be gauntlets of ogre power. The gauntlets perform according to every test as if they were gloves of Dexterity or gauntlets of ogre power until the wearer finds herself under attack or in a life-and-death situation. At that time, the curse is activated. The wearer becomes fumble-fingered, with a 50% chance each round of dropping anything held in either hand. The gauntlets also lower Dexterity by -2 points. Once the curse is activated, the gloves can be removed only by means of a spell that will remove a curse.

Mace of Blood (Homebrewed)

This +3 heavy mace functions normally in combat. However, as soon as the mace comes into contact with blood, the wielder must make a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw to avoid the Blood Curse. Success means that the Blood Curse has no effect. The blood is sucked into the mace like water into a sponge. Failure means that the welder suddenly is possessed by the Mace of Blood. The victim’s eyes become red, Strength increases by +5, and alignment becomes Chaotic Evil, and  Hit Points suddenly reduce by 50% as blood begins to literally seep out from his pours. The victim of the Blood Curse will imeadiately turn on his comrades, and attack them fighting until one or the other is dead. Once this is complete, the victim will travel to the nearest settlement and begin to slaughter any living being encountered. After 24 hours passes, the victim may make another saving throw this time at DC 17. Each failure causes the DC to raise by +2 for the next saving throw.

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