BRAIN IN A JAR

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AGAINST THE BATIRI

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”

— Christopher Reeve

 

THE JOURNEY OF THE STAR GODDESS

The Star Goddess had been missing for about two weeks before the adventuring Ranger called Wynn discovered the wreckage. The large skyship from Halruaa had been sailing from Neverwinter to Chult for months before the influx to the dark continent due to the Death Curse. Afterward, they made plenty of coins bringing adventurers and explorers to seek out the secret of the Tomb of Annihilation. However, they owed a favor to Renaer Neverember which sent them on a rescue mission to locate a famous Drow wizard named Vrea’Ree Everhurden, one of the Neverwinter Nine and friend of the King.

Continue reading “AGAINST THE BATIRI”

THE MOON FESTIVAL

 

THE MOON FESTIVAL aka “Sorry For Party Rocking”
Doctor Teeth woke up from his nap to find Trogdor, Regina, and The Gnome chilling out in the tavern. Unbeknownst to Doc, he had slept through the rest of the group dealing with a hag and mindflayer conspiracy. While Doc bought himself some groovy breakfast and smoked a big delicious doobie of Halfling Sweet Leaf, The Gnome was quiet for awhile while he was painting the rock-bottom and rock-top of the Galeb Dur to make him look glittery for the festival. But then The Gnome prattled on to Trogdor about how the group needed to get ready for the Moon Festival performance tonight at midnight.
Doctor Teeth listened to about a quarter for what The Gnome had to say, and when he had finished smoking his weed declared that it was time for a nap. However, The Gnome insisted that the three of them go to the local carpenter (who happened to be an expert on Fey creatures) about getting a stage and other structural apparatuses for the show tonight. The Gnome did a lot of talking and waving his hands while Doctor Teeth and Trogdor stood around nodding and saying things like “Yeah” and “Uh-huh” to assist. In the end, the carpenter hired them to assassinate a Quickling that had been causing trouble around town. Doctor Teeth was a little confused about the entire situation because somehow The Gnome had turned a trip to Home Depot into a wetwork job.
Anyway, Doc declared it was time to return to the tavern for a nap, but The Gnome was all like “we have to find that Quickling” so Doc and Trogdor followed the little dude around town while he pretended he was Aragorn tracking Halflings or something. After what seemed like minutes of walking aimlessly around town, The Gnome pointed to a set of tracks and announced that he had found the Quickling. So Doctor Teeth pretended to listen while The Gnome devised a plan. After a while, Doctor Teeth heard The Gnome say that he wanted to put together a disguise to look like a sexy female Quickling. Doctor Teeth did some groovy work making The Gnome look sexy (The Gnome ended up looking like Pepe the Prawn from the Muppets) and the three of them proceeded to Party Rock near a small crack in the city wall. After about 7 minutes of Party Rocking, Doctor Teeth heard an angry voice from inside the crack in the wall shout a lot of bummer stuff about killing them. Trogdor started burninating the shouting guys and Doc looked into the wall’s crack to see a corridor with an angry Red Cap, a bunch of Grimlocks, and the Quickling. The Gnome looked busy by casting charm spells while Doc and Trogdor did all the heavy lifting in combat. At some point, Regina wandered over and joined the fight to help out. Doctor Teeth got bored at one point, pulled out his BFG and blasted the Red Cap’s head off.
Afterward, Doctor Teeth took a much-deserved nap. Doctor Teeth was really getting his sleep on when Regina shouted “cowards!” and woke him up. Doctor Teeth saw that the group was getting ready to fight a goblin boss and some goblins but there had been so much fighting Doctor Teeth thought “Make love not war, dude.” So he put his arm around the goblin boss and suggested that instead of fighting they find a groovy spot to hang out and party awhile. The goblin agreed, and Doc started handing out pills of all shapes and colors which Doc described as “holy wafers”. After the party, Doctor Teeth decided to retire to his booth in the tavern for a Long Rest.
Doctor Teeth woke up at about 11:45 pm and went out to start the show. Nobody else was around because they were upstairs in a private back room having a “special time” with the Goblin. Doc figured that the show must go on, so he did twelve mic checks (“Testings, dudes. Like One, Like Two, Like … more than Two…”) then started playing a Dwarven rendition of Richard Marin’s song “Mexican Americans” changing the wording to “Dwarven Garrisons.”
[sings] Dwarven Garrisons don’t like to just get into gang fights, they like flowers and music and white girls named Debbie too. Dwarven Garrisons are named Chata and Chella and Chemma and have a son in law named Jeff.”
After Doctor Teeth sang this three times, the crowd seemed to get bored. Luckily, the local fuzz busted into the tavern. Taking this as a part of the show, Doctor Teeth shouted into the mic: “Ladies and Gentlemen lets have a big round of applause for Marshall Whats-His-Face and the So-And-So’s!” Doctor Teeth happily passed on the show to Trogdor who started into a Heavy Metal Viking performance followed by The Gnome putting on a dramatic performance. By that time, Doctor Teeth was feeling tired so he went back to his booth, propped up his feet, and promptly slipped into a deep, snoring nap.

 

FANTASTIC PERFORMANCES: LEGEND OF GUNTHER

Written by DM Jon

 

Salamir, Rene Pernalt, and Tabby the Tabaxi (who insists his name is not Tabby) went to inform the leader of the local Bard college concerning the event related to the Hag conspiracy. Salamir and Tabby located the charismatic mistress of the college who wields a curmudgeonly talking sword. While Salamir and Tabby went to meet with the mistress Rene Pernault tailed a suspicious Half-elf who suddenly left the area as the heroes spoke to the College Mistress. The Half Elf detected the tail but Rene Pernault heroically charmed the misguided Half-Elf and lead him back to his companions while questioning him about his background. Questioning revealed that the Half-Elf was hatched by someone he referred to as ‘Mother’ who fit the description of a Hag. As the heroic performers were leading their new friend Half Elf Gunther back to the inn a poisoned crossbow bolt shot out of the crowd and hit Gunther. Gunther collapsed but Renepernalt immediately began CPR with Raven managing airway aided with this wind gust ability from his wings. The bumbling Orc Sergeant in charge of security finally arrived on the scene and Rene chastised him for his bumbling ways. Johny Karate and Trogdor were drawn with the crowd the commotion of the downed Gunter and they brought with them a Cleric of Selune who reluctantly cast cure poison on Gunter. Rene chastised the cleric for his reluctance but thanked him for helping save Gunter’s life as well. Gunter came back to the inn and the hero performers bought some food for Gunther. Gunther de-polymorphed into a Kobold and for a brief moment Gunther felt as if he would not be accepted by the heroes by Rene was quick to point out that his Trans-Kobold to Half-Elf and back to Kobold status was a perfectly legitimate gender. It was determined astutely by John Karate that the food served to Gunter was laced with dispel magic and Trogdor kept the remainder of the food. The party set out on to investigate the Xvart blockade of the road. The heroes encountered an earth elemental who agreed to assist the heroes in exchange for assistance with returning home. Rene Pernalt and a Dryad and six pixies had an episode of road rage and Rene used Mage Hand to flip off the pixies and Dryad. The heroes launched a thunderwave and fireball into the assembled Xvarts to get their attention and announced they were there to talk. The Xvart, being evil creatures from the abyss would not negotiate and were finally bested by the heroes but in the battle, the evil Xvart slew Gunter and the heroes swore revenge. Rene was able to track the Warlock leader of the Xvarts and heroes ambushed the Villain as he was gathering valuables in preparation to retreat into a cave. The heroes launched a surprise attack; Rene, enraged by the cruel murder the Warlock had committed on Gunter cast Dissonant Whisper and Played “Living In the Sunlight” by Tiny Tim psychically projected into the Warlock’s mind juxtaposed to images of the Xvarts burying in the fireball that the heroes had thrown to them. After the heroes bested the Warlock and looted another fireball gem and other goodies the party retrieved Gunther’s remains for burial and Rene flipped off the Dryad and Pixies on the way home.

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