- Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go pee.
- Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
- Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
- Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
- Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
- Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
- Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
- Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!
- Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
- Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
- The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
- Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
- Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
- Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.
- Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
- Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet!
- Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!
- Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
ADVANTAGE: CHARACTER ABILITIES
THE COOKIE THIEF
A woman was waiting at an airport one night, with several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, that the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be. grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.
So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, as the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”
With each cookie she took, he took one too, when only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other, she snatched it from him and thought … oooh, brother. This guy has some nerve and he’s also rude, why he didn’t even show any gratitude!
She had never known when she had been so galled, and sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.
She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, there was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.
If mine are here, she moaned in despair, the others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, that she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.
By Valerie Cox in “A Matter of Perspective”
JEDI MIND TRICK
HELLO FROM THE DARK SIDE
Also: Hello From the Dark Side (2)